Day 15 More Frustration, More Questions


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My dad is still in the hospital.  He knew something was wrong on Saturday and he insisted on going to the emergency room.  His sleep has been interrupted by thoughts of doom.  I looked up this word to make sure I am using it right.  The synonyms are; fate, destiny, predetermined state or end, inevitable outcome, unhappy destiny.   He is so afraid that he won’t get better.  He doesn’t talk about it too much, but shares his feelings with my mom and brother.

Dad’s  life has drastically changed from how he was before Christmas. He needs assistance. He doesn’t have an appetite.  He has no interest in the paper, the TV, or his phone!  I want to scream…..”SNAP OUT OF IT!”  I’m sure my mom wants to, also. He has children and grandchildren that love and miss him.  He has friends and neighbors that love and miss him.   But he can’t snap out of it.  He can’t.  He is in a really bad funk and I don’t blame him.  His body has been a chemical experiment of medicines that work and don’t work, medicines that make him tired or anxious. The chemists are doctors that don’t communicate with each other.  “Let’s try this..Let’s take away this, let’s lower this and raise this!”   The poor guy!  I hate how I feel when I have an extra cup of coffee!  It must be hell for him. Hasn’t my dad been through enough just with open heart surgery?

More adjustments today.  He may be discharged tomorrow.  How will they know how his body will react to these adjustments? More questions…once again, our Google research begins.  Once again, we are trying to find answers.

I think we found an angel.  I think we finally have an advocate that will get our dad the help he needs.  She is lining up appointments for my dad once he’s out.  She will make sure he gets all the help he needs at the Heart Clinic.  She knows about his feelings of doom.  He will see a counselor.  She is taking charge of his case.

I pray that Dad will be on the right track as soon as he gets out of the hospital.  He will be busy.  He will be exercising.  He will be talking to other patients that have gone through similar experiences.

Hopefully soon, Dad will be reading the Tribune while eating his cereal.  Soon, Dad will be using the remote to find the show he wants to watch.  Soon,  Dad will be going to 6:45 mass and visiting with his friends. Soon, Mom and Dad will come out to dinner with us. Soon, I will be getting a call from Dad about —-anything!!! I don’t care!  I want to see his name on my caller ID.  I can’t wait to answer the phone and say, “Hey, Dad, what’s up?”



2 thoughts on “Day 15 More Frustration, More Questions

  1. Oh, geez, Kathy, I hadn’t realized your dad was feeling so down. The older I get, the more I realize that half the doctors are making their best guess. I always thought they had all the answers.

    I’m glad you found an advocate, someone to help manage your dad’s care.

    I really hope this is a corner for him and he will be on the mend, physically and emotionally. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to see him like this.

    Your ending line gave me goose bumps. That piece of dialogue at the end. I hope you get to say those words soon.


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